Loving Yourself: A Selfish Act or a Sacred Duty? By Emanuela Xhelilaj | Sociologist

“If someone truly knows how to love in a deep, meaningful way, that love includes themselves. But if they only know how to give love outwardly and not inwardly, they haven’t really learned what love is.” — Erich Fromm

The Quiet Pressure to Fit In

These days, the world subtly teaches us to conform. Fit in. Don’t stand out. Talk like everyone else. Dress like everyone else. Think like the crowd. And we often do it—because it feels safer that way. We blend in to avoid judgment, rejection, or being seen as “too different.”

But in constantly trying to fit the mold, we slowly drift away from who we really are. Our uniqueness gets buried. That inner voice? We start to tune it out. We trade authenticity for acceptance. Our lives become a series of checkboxes and routines. We chase freedom through things—money, status, stuff—hoping it’ll lead to happiness.

But in the process, we start to lose ourselves.

And the scariest part? It doesn’t always look dramatic. Sometimes it’s subtle. It’s skipping the dreams you once held close. It’s pushing down what excites you. It’s brushing aside your need for rest, joy, or simply being. And most deeply—it’s forgetting how to love yourself.

Can You Really Love Someone Else Without Loving Yourself?

From the time we’re kids, we’re taught how to care for others. Be kind. Give. Please. Sacrifice. But rarely are we taught how to care for ourselves. To truly love ourselves.

And that creates a dilemma: how can you give something you don’t have? How can you pour into someone else when your own well is dry?

We’ve been conditioned to confuse self-love with selfishness. But the truth is, they’re not even close. Selfishness is rooted in insecurity—a lack of self-worth that makes people use others to feel powerful. That’s ego, not love.

Real self-love is grounded. It’s treating yourself and others with respect. It’s seeing everyone—including yourself—as worthy of care and dignity. You’ve probably heard the phrase: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” But how often do we stop and ask, How am I actually loving myself?

Coming Home to Yourself

Loving yourself isn’t some trendy slogan. It’s not about spa days or bubble baths—though those can be part of it. It’s a deeper, more intentional process.

It’s saying yes to the things that light you up. It’s giving yourself time—real, quiet, nourishing time. It could be a walk through the woods, a song that speaks to you, or a book that makes you feel seen. These aren’t extra. They’re essential.

We’re so busy looking outward—scrolling through highlights, comparing ourselves, putting on a show—that we forget to look inward. Real self-love is about coming back to yourself. Listening. Being still. Making space for who you are without apology.

It’s about being as kind to yourself as you are to the people you love.

It’s a Practice, Not a One-Time Thing

Love isn’t just something you feel. It’s something you do. And self-love, like any craft, takes practice.

It’s making choices every day that reinforce your worth. It’s saying “no” when something crosses your boundaries. It’s feeding your body, calming your mind, and nurturing your spirit—especially on the hard days.

And here’s what’s beautiful: the more love you give to yourself, the more love you’ll have to share.

That’s not vanity—it’s healing. It’s wholeness.

There’s no perfect time to start. No milestone you need to reach first.
The time is now.
Your heart’s been waiting.